A set of my keys are missing.
The mystery of their disappearance and the hour I spent searching for them has got me thinking about relationships: friendly and otherwise.
When it occurred to me that I had looked in every viable spot, logical and illogical, for my keys I could not bring myself to give up the search. I couldn't let go. I kept racking my brain for another possible spot to scour. I had a search party with me, about 8 of us searching all over the building for a set of keys. Finally it came to the point where the group was convincing Mike and me that there was no where else we could look. The un-consoling words "They'll show up" were repeated multiple times. And though logically I knew the search had come to an end, I felt as if I was falling short, giving up too soon. I felt as if I had failed.
In my lifetime many people have come in to my life, only to leave some time later. As I ponder relationships in my life that have ended, I find one thing in common: I seemed to know that the relationship was ending. They all had different signs that, in hindsight, I now notice. Some relationships were marked with constant frustration and arguments. Others left me weary from fighting to bridge the rift that was slowly growing. With some relationships I just had an instinct that they would end soon. Yet, I ignored all those signs and found myself surprised that the relationship ending so "abruptly". I felt as if I was falling short, giving up too soon. I felt as if I had failed.
But after my unsuccessful search last night I realized, sometimes, there's just nothing you can do. You have to let go. If the problem did not work itself out, doesn't mean I am to blame. If I did all I can do, well, I did all I can do. And for that I must quit.
Monday, June 1, 2009
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