Work shoes make my feet stink. Gives a whole different perspective to "kick off your shoes and relax."
Does anyone know why terrific and terrified are only 2 letters apart from each other. The words have such opposite connotations, you think they would resemble each other much less. Language has always confounded my gray matter.
Looking forward this week seems pretty calm. Hopefully it will stay that way. But a clear week in my life is just as dependable as the Washington weather forecast.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Cut & Dry
Split ends make me happy. At least they are a problem that I know a temporary solution to.
Fortunately, all my other issues are much larger and complicated in scale. They are completely challenging, and I see no answer in sight as of yet. But that's what makes life fun right?
There is no challenge in split ends. The solution is cut and dry, literally.
Oh the good life.
Today I mourn the loss of my beloved flash drive. She was brutally murdered on 3.29.09 by an outdated, bigot, monster of a computer. Death was immediate, though CPR was attempted to no avail. Fladri was 3 years old. She was dedicated and well organized. She has no surviving relatives.
RIP Fladri. Thank you for storing my documents. Sorry I did not show you more appreciation.
Fortunately, all my other issues are much larger and complicated in scale. They are completely challenging, and I see no answer in sight as of yet. But that's what makes life fun right?
There is no challenge in split ends. The solution is cut and dry, literally.
Oh the good life.
Today I mourn the loss of my beloved flash drive. She was brutally murdered on 3.29.09 by an outdated, bigot, monster of a computer. Death was immediate, though CPR was attempted to no avail. Fladri was 3 years old. She was dedicated and well organized. She has no surviving relatives.
RIP Fladri. Thank you for storing my documents. Sorry I did not show you more appreciation.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Spring into Season
It's the first day of spring. Makes me want to spin around in circles... then I take a look outside...
Washington sure celebrates the day with style. The sky has raindrops and gray clouds in tow. And for security purposes the sun is hiding, until further notice.
Rain or shine it is spring nonetheless. Welcome colorful flowers, and stinging bees!
Washington sure celebrates the day with style. The sky has raindrops and gray clouds in tow. And for security purposes the sun is hiding, until further notice.
Rain or shine it is spring nonetheless. Welcome colorful flowers, and stinging bees!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
[slightly] New Year Resolution[s]
Yea... I know its a little late but we're still in the first quarter year! [so here goes]
1. This year I vow to record more of my life with [digi]film
This means a few things:
a. I must find my my battery charger
oh battery charger where art thou? I have missed thee since our last Christmas celebration
b. My camera must become my daily companion
sorry, camera no more dark days in the junk drawer conversing with traffic tickets and pencils
c. I must start my right-forefinger on a vigorous training regimen
"up, down, press, click... repeat"
2. I also vow to stop taking this stupid blog so seriously.
I have been waiting for inspiration to pounce on me. Bright ideas are ladies/gentlemen they don't jump on their friends in public. I have been wasting my blog life with dreams of grandeur.
So you can expect a lot more of me here.
Here's to 2009!
1. This year I vow to record more of my life with [digi]film
This means a few things:
a. I must find my my battery charger
oh battery charger where art thou? I have missed thee since our last Christmas celebration
b. My camera must become my daily companion
sorry, camera no more dark days in the junk drawer conversing with traffic tickets and pencils
c. I must start my right-forefinger on a vigorous training regimen
"up, down, press, click... repeat"
2. I also vow to stop taking this stupid blog so seriously.
I have been waiting for inspiration to pounce on me. Bright ideas are ladies/gentlemen they don't jump on their friends in public. I have been wasting my blog life with dreams of grandeur.
So you can expect a lot more of me here.
Here's to 2009!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
A Still Moment
A haunting picture from my past has spurred thoughts on of regret and progression. I looked at the picture daunted. I didn't recall that particular moment in my life and rightly so. It was not a thrilling nor glorious moment, but now looking back I am ashamed of that moment. Memories of moments that I now would scoff at the thought of acting upon trickle back like Chinese torture. Many people say "I have no regrets," when speaking of former life choices and decisions. And up until this point I have thought the same. I cruelly led myself to believe that I am where I am today because each decision I made brought me here. But I can't escape the urge ponder that maybe if I made a different decisions on the little things in life that I would be somewhere farther than where I am now.
Don't mistake this statement as a profession that I am unhappy with my life. I could not be happier, but I could be better. I am imperfect and I have come to accept the fact that I will always be so. Does not mean I give up on reaching for a higher goal. I'm always pushing myself sometimes to my detriment, but I know that I have come a quite a distance from before because of it.
Though the physical attributes of the girl in the picture resembled a past me, I found myself struggling to find a connection with her. I no longer think the way she thought, I no longer feel the way she felt. It was hard for me to understand the process that led up to that brief still moment captured without forethought. I can't relate to her. That is no longer me.
And that I am okay with. I'm not exactly proud of all my actions. And I'm sure in hindsight and foresight I will not be proud of all the things I do today, tomorrow or yesteryear. But I am comforted by the knowledge of how I have changed from that moment. The struggles she dealt with I have transformed into beautiful hills that add to the landscape of my life.
Do I have regrets?
Yes.
If I could would I go back in life and change some things?
In a heart beat.
Would those changes alter the course of my future forever?
Probably.
Can I change them?
No.
So I have to accept that who I was then is not who I am today. And I hope that 10 years from now my future self can look back and say the same, hopefully with a lot less shame.
Don't mistake this statement as a profession that I am unhappy with my life. I could not be happier, but I could be better. I am imperfect and I have come to accept the fact that I will always be so. Does not mean I give up on reaching for a higher goal. I'm always pushing myself sometimes to my detriment, but I know that I have come a quite a distance from before because of it.
Though the physical attributes of the girl in the picture resembled a past me, I found myself struggling to find a connection with her. I no longer think the way she thought, I no longer feel the way she felt. It was hard for me to understand the process that led up to that brief still moment captured without forethought. I can't relate to her. That is no longer me.
And that I am okay with. I'm not exactly proud of all my actions. And I'm sure in hindsight and foresight I will not be proud of all the things I do today, tomorrow or yesteryear. But I am comforted by the knowledge of how I have changed from that moment. The struggles she dealt with I have transformed into beautiful hills that add to the landscape of my life.
Do I have regrets?
Yes.
If I could would I go back in life and change some things?
In a heart beat.
Would those changes alter the course of my future forever?
Probably.
Can I change them?
No.
So I have to accept that who I was then is not who I am today. And I hope that 10 years from now my future self can look back and say the same, hopefully with a lot less shame.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Continuous Cyclone
My thoughts have been rudely bombarding the gray matter located in my cranium. Thoughts that I desire to share with someone, but don't in terror of the minuscule chance that I will be misunderstood. I desperately want to remove the thoughts trapped in head with my verbal dumb truck, but I'm just unsure of the proper location.
Honestly, I'm just frightened of what that kind of vulnerability can bring to me. As I have mentioned before I used to be open and share my issues and problems, thoughts and feelings with the masses. Now it's hard for me to even share them with anyone.
At least I have God. I know he listens to me. My sanity is protected by him. If I didn't have him to share with I imagine I would be rolled up into the fetal position in a dark cave somewhere high in the Alps (assuming there are caves in the Alps).
Of course I have Mike. But I just can't unload on him all the time. He has such a good heart and as I share things with him I can see the hero in him rising up to save his poor wife from the terrors of life. But, unfortunately, most issues cannot be resolved with a strong will and good intentions. And because of this the issue then becomes his burden, and I just can't do that to him.
This is also the reason for my lack of writing. I don't want my issues to accidentally flow out through my fingers, onto the keyboard and thus on to this screen for all to read. I've been in a constant state of filtering and it has stunted my creativity.
One day I'll find a solution to this issue. Until then. I'll keep this cyclone of thoughts trapped.
In other news. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend have announced that they will be adding a girl to the Huntsman family. God must be making up for the current lack of estrogen in the family. Though I'm a little disappointed the pressure is back on me to produce the next male heir to the Huntsman name, I am happy that my niece Abby will have a female playmate in the future. Plus girls are so much more fun to dress and buy things for. At least from my non-mother perspective. 2009 is a busy year for the Huntsman clan.
Honestly, I'm just frightened of what that kind of vulnerability can bring to me. As I have mentioned before I used to be open and share my issues and problems, thoughts and feelings with the masses. Now it's hard for me to even share them with anyone.
At least I have God. I know he listens to me. My sanity is protected by him. If I didn't have him to share with I imagine I would be rolled up into the fetal position in a dark cave somewhere high in the Alps (assuming there are caves in the Alps).
Of course I have Mike. But I just can't unload on him all the time. He has such a good heart and as I share things with him I can see the hero in him rising up to save his poor wife from the terrors of life. But, unfortunately, most issues cannot be resolved with a strong will and good intentions. And because of this the issue then becomes his burden, and I just can't do that to him.
This is also the reason for my lack of writing. I don't want my issues to accidentally flow out through my fingers, onto the keyboard and thus on to this screen for all to read. I've been in a constant state of filtering and it has stunted my creativity.
One day I'll find a solution to this issue. Until then. I'll keep this cyclone of thoughts trapped.
In other news. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend have announced that they will be adding a girl to the Huntsman family. God must be making up for the current lack of estrogen in the family. Though I'm a little disappointed the pressure is back on me to produce the next male heir to the Huntsman name, I am happy that my niece Abby will have a female playmate in the future. Plus girls are so much more fun to dress and buy things for. At least from my non-mother perspective. 2009 is a busy year for the Huntsman clan.
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