I'm gonna be a mommy!

*gasp*

No I'm not pregnant. I've just finally came to a decision on when I am going to start having kids. Unfortunately, I will not be sharing said date (yes, I have specified date) in order to keep the suspense in the Huntsman saga. The pressure has been laid on us strong to start reproducing little Mike & Isabel replicas, but I am proud to say that I have not succumb to any of those demands. This decision is one that Mike and I have made solely on our own without influence of the many overbearing voices in our lives. And that's the way I like it. I want the decision to be one that we make to be because we wanted it (and I thought peer pressure ended with high school).

Though I can't guarantee that I will not end up pregnant before my decision date [I hate that .1% chance], I hope that I will be confidently able to say to my child that we planned to have her/him and not the opposite.

Being a mom will be an interesting turn in my life, but I think I will enjoy it.

The only thing I still need to figure out is how I'm going to being a full time mom/wife/employee. It's already hard just assuming the role of full time wife/employee add mother to the mix and I'm sure my mind will be obliterated under the obligations. I'm not exactly sure what I want either. I find it relaxing and enjoyable to stay at home on my days off and clean and I actually feel quite productive, but that's just 1 day a week, I don't know that I will have much to do if I stay home 7 days a week. I'm sure it will be a different story once I have child rear, but right now solely being a housewife doesn't appeal to me. But I'm not exactly a go-get-em carrer gal either. I work because I have to.

You see, the way our life is set-up now we need 2 incomes to live. We wouldn't be able to afford our house payment without my income and the same for Mike's. I know there are many women out there who work full time and are mothers but I'm not sure if I'm part of that group. I'll do it, I'll find a way, because as it looks right now that's just the way its gonna be and I have to learn to deal with it. Unfortunately, I think I will have a few breakdowns before I completely learn to handle it.

For example last night I had a semi-breakdown. My house was atrociously messy I had just got done cooking and started washing dishes when Mike arrived at home. He had gone out to meet an old co-worker for some catch up time. When we put his arms around me in appreciation of a good smelling meal and offered to take over the dishes, the floodgates broke. I was balling and ranting about how messy the house is and how I can't handle all working/cooking/cleaning all by myself. Mike apologized for not helping me keep up with the clutter the past week and immediately took over the dishes. He tried to sit me down in front of the TV so I would stop doing things but I had an errand to run. He sent me on my way, and when I arrived at home it was in decent condition. I definitely would not say it was clean, but I wouldn't feel ashamed of my house if someone stopped by unexpectedly and it's only a good hour away from being "clean".

I'm glad that Mike doesn't expect me to take care of the house on my own. We definitely wouldn't be happy. I just wish we could afford to get a maid. But yet, the idea of someone I don't know cleaning my house is a little eerie.

I would love some tips on how to change my template. I don't particularly like any of the bland ones that blogger offers. Thanks!