Round and Round

Wow, I thought I would have some down time in December.... I was wrong!
I can't believe we are only 7 days away from Christmas! Maybe things will slow down for me the 2nd half of the month. My fingers will be crossed in spirit (because they will actually be busy doing other things, i.e. wrapping Christmas gifts, cooking and blogging) for some relaxation time.
Mike has been mentioning babies. A lot. Too much. And when I shut that idea down he starts mentioning puppies. He even goes as far to offer a new kitten. Which he has been denying me for a few years.
I am frightened of having children. For multiple reasons. First, I just feel like I'm too young. That having a child makes me old. Not that I think other people who have children are old, but I guess I'm scared. Terrified actually, of how my life will change. I feel like I'm at a constant struggle to keep up with life now, how will I be able to keep if I add another thing to my never ending list of things that keep me busy. I'm sure I'll adapt and survive, possibly even thrive as a mother, but I can't just hope. I have to have some kind of confirmation. And it still hasn't happened yet. I know you are never 100% ready to have children so I'm not waiting for that, but I just don't want to be irresponsible either.
There are other reasons as well that I am scared, but they are more personal and I do not feel comfortable sharing with the possibility of anyone reading. So I will end there.
The day will come when I will be ok with this. I truly want children of my own and I get all mushy and teary eyed watching shows or commercials on the topics of families with newborns, but when I bring myself into real life I can't envision it. Maybe that's the problem. I can't envision myself as a mother. I just wish I knew when the right time was.