My thoughts have been rudely bombarding the gray matter located in my cranium. Thoughts that I desire to share with someone, but don't in terror of the minuscule chance that I will be misunderstood. I desperately want to remove the thoughts trapped in head with my verbal dumb truck, but I'm just unsure of the proper location.
Honestly, I'm just frightened of what that kind of vulnerability can bring to me. As I have mentioned before I used to be open and share my issues and problems, thoughts and feelings with the masses. Now it's hard for me to even share them with anyone.
At least I have God. I know he listens to me. My sanity is protected by him. If I didn't have him to share with I imagine I would be rolled up into the fetal position in a dark cave somewhere high in the Alps (assuming there are caves in the Alps).
Of course I have Mike. But I just can't unload on him all the time. He has such a good heart and as I share things with him I can see the hero in him rising up to save his poor wife from the terrors of life. But, unfortunately, most issues cannot be resolved with a strong will and good intentions. And because of this the issue then becomes his burden, and I just can't do that to him.
This is also the reason for my lack of writing. I don't want my issues to accidentally flow out through my fingers, onto the keyboard and thus on to this screen for all to read. I've been in a constant state of filtering and it has stunted my creativity.
One day I'll find a solution to this issue. Until then. I'll keep this cyclone of thoughts trapped.
In other news. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend have announced that they will be adding a girl to the Huntsman family. God must be making up for the current lack of estrogen in the family. Though I'm a little disappointed the pressure is back on me to produce the next male heir to the Huntsman name, I am happy that my niece Abby will have a female playmate in the future. Plus girls are so much more fun to dress and buy things for. At least from my non-mother perspective. 2009 is a busy year for the Huntsman clan.
Monday, March 9, 2009
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Ohh the pressure of having children... Just tell them you decided not to have children so they will be thrilled when you get pregnant ;)
ReplyDeleteAh~ It's been awhile (since I've been around married young couple) so when I hear you say "wife" it gives me weirdies.
ReplyDeleteI heard that some thoughts are to be kept, some thoughts are to be spread, some thoughts are to be shared, and some thoughts are to be thrown away.
And I've heard you say how wonderful of a husband Mike is often. But I don't recall you saying this... And though I HATE speaking without proof, but I BELIEVE so I say... I bet Mike thinks that you are a wonderful wife also! :-)
Next male heir... Hehehe... I guess family relations don't get better over time after all... I say just pop one out! :-D Hahaha, jk jk. Take your time, enjoy and when time comes, get it going. Life is too short for you to please people. :-) Knowin' you, you'll be a wonderful mom. Lots of girls don't think that for some reason... But many of them (emphasis on the fact that not all, at least not yet) who are thinking so... I think they'll make wonderful moms as long as they keep that attitude.
Btw, long time no see. ;-)
Who needs moms when you can be an aunt?! (Paradoxically speaking, this is not possible.. but, hey... this space here is meant for creativity, not staunchy nationalism... err...)
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